005

Down a simple hallway- enclosed by a filler for just a hole in the wall- my brain explain to my inner ear that I am vaguely hearing an unforgettable memorable calm striking of tense knuckles on a wooden piece in which others would call an anterior door to a home I call hell- the tense knuckles are attached to such an important figure- the figure in which is without words yet stumbling over her words and frozen yet belting her fragile yet tough self all over this incredibly unbearable place we all seem to be contained in with nothing able to remove us but removing ourselves in such a way that is so easily difficult- I have answered to the striking- knowing this is the time to enter the real world- which couldn’t be anything harder then the agonizing disrespectful structure people refer to as home- I don’t know what a home is- unreadily and speechless- we move our feet in alternating manners to the metal frame including motor and sophistication- in order to arrive at our next destination without such hard work- next destination- we have arrived- removing our anatomy from the metal piece- we exchange nothing but two clusters of three syllables- "how are you" is strain fully discharged from behind the closing points of my mouth- "I am okay" is pushed unwantedly out of hers- we are hurt damaged and in critical condition- hurt captures our lips- to be held closed- to force nothing out but enough to breath to barely live and hold on- I gracefully let us in to our destination of somebody home- this home is of great love and hope- freedom and more- with extremely none and more then plenty emotions- we synchronizingly slump ourselves onto two separate clusters of cushions- leaving ourselves lonely hopeless and to deal with life on our own- why- a question commonly asked and left unanswered- we both share not having the ability to control ourselves often- or just the inability to do such a normally easy thing as think- hiding the pain- my face screams to people- hiding my face- the pain screams to people- I let a few thoughts enter the space I have left- 'I should go comfort her'- realizing my limbs are numb and cannot budge- I scream inside- why- not the twenty fifth letter of the alphabet but the small meaningful three lettered word with question behind it- her moves have imitated those of mine- until she gains little more power then I- she sets her right end of her lower extremity (just one of the two) on the hard cold tile- reminding her of many life situations- she ends all power in her with the throwing of her body unto the empty now filled space next to me- she slowly with nothing but swift motions covers everything but the extremely superior quarter of me and her- my duty left unsaid- but known by both is what I use all strength of mine to accomplish- I quickly and quietly place my pointer and thumb around the corner of the shielding cover and pull- just one tug and we are safely shielded from the world- we cover us for the satisfaction of no one more then just the both of us- satisfied by nothing but pain and frustration and the freaking out of the inner us for the simple sophisticated moments that are still to come in the near future of the next little while for us- many moments have swept by- consisting of tears and deep breaths- squeezing hands and shaking bodies- comforting and just trying to hold on for dear life and dear love- more time passes us by with the normalcy of the last moments added on to- fidgeting bodies- bandanas- paper towels- and silent screaming- hurt- once more- and continually- captures the lips of us both- leaving us speechless- to one another- and at all- in this harsh- beautiful- brightly dark- time and place- as a couple overwhelming minutes go by- I remind myself that the pain- connected to my upper left extremity is not only being tightly bonded and clutched by the uppermost important to me (after god)- but is also being held together and hidden by a torn blue sacrificed bandana- therefore I don’t have to uncover my past pains and scars to those who love and care for me and my battle wounds (the battle I battle with myself)- my insides are screaming at myself and her- trying and striving to most importantly express my love to her and show and not so much prove to her that this battle will be conquered- and not by any undeserving anything but two amazing girls by the names of- me and you- or you and me- we are nameless due to the many harsh deserving and undeserving names and insults and words we have awarded so hugely to our own beings- we are unsure of the birth names- certified to and for the sake of us and only us- but will be found in only a matter of time- how does one tell the other what she so greatly desires to tell her when she is striving and gasping to and of her breath- one word- impossible- as a brave young girl once did- I let go of my grip unto her hands and released her fingers from her palms- using my weapons to express love and a thousand words and feelings and expressions- I gently but so forcefully place my weapons into her hands- letter by letter- spelling out three words or eight letters with the help of a beautiful language- I-l-o-v-e-y-o-u- quickly I grasp her hands again- showing her also- I will never let go- she has received my message- giving me the reassurance cause I can hear nothing more then a sigh of relief- but nothing less then agonizing pain- piercing through the anatomy of her- which I have failed to explain to you- is so beautifully- gracefully- and wonderfully placed together- seconds slip from us- suddenly my hands aren’t so close to hers anymore- then I can feel the letters being enforced- d-o-n-t-l-e-t-g-o- she has also spelled out three words- but nine letters- then I hear her gentle but powerful breaths in forms of noise forming out the voice saying- "don’t let go please don’t let go"- her voice then disappears and returns to a place that has been robbed of strength and replaced with suffering- we exchanged eye contact and looks of cries for help- the experience and situation intensifies by an infinite amount- we are still captured for the next while- we then give one last clench of intensity and extreme might- to one another’s weapons and then breath the first clean breath of a while and realize- 'we made it'- 'we made it'- she grabs a prized possession bandana from the hole or pocket in her hoodie and slowly but surely sweeps the bandana down ones cheeks and eyes- collecting this water that has escaped from the eyes- we collectively stay in the same position for a minute- in pure shock and pure happiness- she then realized the lock from her superior and inferior lips and spoke- saying emotionless with more feeling then ever- "we are going to beat this"- words can be so true- we grabbed each other with our weapons- which by now had just been hands- used to heal- and pulled each others bodies toward each other- some people refer to this beautiful movement and action as a- hug- to us it has much more meaning then could just be explained with a one syllable three letter cluster- we then- held each other in that moment for a long but no where near long enough- releasing the last and final tears and emotions- we flushed our noses and were replenished with speech and smiles- laughs and light- love and hope-